Facing Giants- Part 7

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The Giant of Deception

An unpleasant experience induces caution; ‘once bitten twice shy‘. We are able to make better decisions after gaining experiential knowledge, however, there are some decisions that we are only able to make once and what a disaster it can be if we don’t take the necessary precautions before making them. There are just no room for deceptions when we make certain decision but if that is the case, what will you do? Please read carefully and take notes from our final slayer in the series.

There is not an easy way known to me to find out that the woman you courted for eighteen months and have been married to for two years is not who you think she is. My story is quite the tale but I boast in the unfailing love of God and the unwavering support of my family and close friends who allowed me to overcome that turbulent season of my life.

It all started in the year 2007 after a near death experience; during hurricane Ivan I was helping my father on the roof top and was electrocuted and suffered minor injuries. It was in youth service whilst sharing my testimony of God’s goodness when I looked in the congregation and was captivated by unfamiliar face, this young lady appealed to me. She was fair skinned with tall black hair. After the service she came and told me that my testimony really ministered to her. This was the beginning of what was a beautiful friendship.

At the time when we met she was in university studying to become a Pharmacist. As an only child she was very sheltered; she only knew school, home and church. I took the initiative during our season of courtship to take her out and explore new places, I taught her the basics in becoming street smart and she improved in her social interactions, in return she taught me how to drive.

If I should speak of any warning signs before marriage I would speak of this one event that still stands out clearly in mind. I remember it was my birthday and the bridal party was putting together a little surprise birthday gathering and so they pooled their resources together to buy a cake for me and they gave her the money to get the cake. She came back with quarter of a cake explaining that she didn’t like the cake that was ordered and that there were other bigger cakes and they were willing to cut piece of it and sell her because she liked the colours that were on that piece of cake. One of the members of the bridal party took me aside and told me that her actions were rather strange and I should consider it, I didn’t look deeper into it. I took her word for it, I believed that she really loved the colours of the cake.

I think I could have gained more information about her if she was available to do the premarital sessions with me. Unfortunately due to her academic obligations at the time she was unable to attend all ten premarital counselling sessions. However, I took the liberty to impart all the knowledge I gained from the sessions to her. I now know that it was not the same and we should have at least arranged for a few sessions as a couple. We proceeded into marriage and I was ready to start my own version of “they lived happily ever after.” No sooner when we were confronted with many challenges.

She was not able to cook or do any wifely duties around the house, yet I was not troubled by that because I was able to do those very well. Where she failed, I would step up to meet the need. Our major challenge was that she did not leave her mother to cleave to me as her husband. She was still closely knitted to her mother, to say the least their bond was inseparable. She would hide and talk with her mom while I would be very open talking to my family. Also, the spiritual person that I met and knew during courtship changed drastically. She wanted us to stay home and have our own services and watch online sermons. I was not in agreement to that.

I don’t remember what triggered this behaviour but my wife started accusing me of having an affair. She went through my contact list and accused me of having affair with almost all my female friends, after that did not work she started accusing me of having affair with my male friends. I cannot tell you how embarrassing this period of my life was. Only by God’s grace I stand to share my testimony. Due to that we got separated for two years, she said only God could have mended the relationship.

 During the season of the separation I got a call from a man who by reason of his surname I figured was some relative of my wife, he requested that I meet with him at a particular location, it sounded urgent and important. Immediately I reached out to two ministers from my assembly to accompany me to the location. When we arrived we saw her car parked with one window cracked and the back seat was filled with water and bread. She was parked at the location for three days and would not move because she believed that a Tsunami was coming and God told her to send for her husband to save him. That was how and when I found out that my wife has schizophrenia. She was diagnosed with this illness from age sixteen and all through our dating period and marital conflicts no one took the liberty of telling me that my wife was ill. I blamed myself for all the problems we had. You cannot imagine the level of deception that I battled with for years.

When I found out I was devastated. I remember locking myself away for two days after seeing my wife. It was hard for me because I was constantly blaming myself for having too many friends to the point where my wife accused me of being involved with these persons. I tried so hard to make things work only to find out that her mental instabilities were the root cause of our problems, this did not make things any better for me. I was perplexed for days. I prayed and went on fasting and was encouraged by family and friends to stick by my wife and I did just that. I went to see a psychiatrist with her and we were guided as to how to live a healthy life with the illness. I tried living with her but it was rough, being a Pharmacist she understood the side effects of the medications and would constantly complain that they were harming her body so at one point she stopped taking the medications and that triggered off her illness. This affected me immensely; I developed and suffered from high blood pressure and other sicknesses.

I lost my job in the process and was unemployed for one year. All my bills started to pile up on me, creditors started hunting me down and my mother had to tell lies that I were no longer living at the address. I locked myself in my room for days and became very suicidal. I gave up on the church, I gave up on people, and ultimately I gave up on God. I got to the point where I questioned the reason to continue life as I thought no one cared. No one made the effort to help me come out of the state of distress that I was in. It took me three long years after the ordeal to fully bounce back and really pick up myself.  I have the Universities and Colleges Ministry (UCAM) to thank for the spiritual upliftment and revival that I experienced as I fellowshipped with the brethren. It was during my tenure at university and my involvement in UCAM that things turned around for good for me.

The Bible says that love covers a multitude of sins and I will go a little further to say that love has the ability to blind you from truth and facts. Love will make you do some crazy things. To all those young and in love, don’t allow the euphoria of love to distract your investigative skills or blind you from the obvious signs that are in front of you. Nothing should deny you from getting proper counselling, doing a thorough medical examination and finding out all the necessary information that is needed to build a good foundation for marriage. Although, I was the one who completed the counselling course, my wife and I prayed, fasted and read the Word together. Those were still inadequate, I did not sought information outside of the four walls of church. I didn’t ask her family and friends about her character. I was just head over heels for this young lady, dear readers, that won’t cut it.

I consider myself deceived. My wife was diagnosed with schizophrenia from a teenager and I was not informed. I know I could have been more diligent, however, those aware could have been more sympathetic. This giant of deception has cost me a lot of setbacks, emotional trauma and lack of personal fulfillment. It has been eight years since my wife and I are separated and we are presently getting a divorce. My life could have been far different had a slain myself when I was seeking the Lord about marriage. Yes we prayed, but I was blinded by what I saw in my wife. My life is now in a better state and I am living a pretty decent life but what about children? What about my own family? My regrets are many but you don’t have to fall prey to the same things I did. Let God open your eyes to things seen and unseen. Love but be wise. Take chances but consider the consequences. I have fought a long and gruesome battle with deception but by the grace of God I am pressing on the upward way. – Anonymous.

Prayer: Oh what needless pain we bear all because we do not carry everything to God in prayer. Lord I know what it is like fall a prey to the enemy’s deceits. I know what it is to convinced myself that it is You when it was me. I have on multiple occasion did what I thought was right and end up in the enemy’s nest but what a friend I have in You who will all my sorrows share. Lord I have been deceived, please forgive me. Take hold of my broken pieces and put me back together again. I am Yours Lord. I may never get a chance to make right all my wrongs but bestow abundantly Your grace and enable me to live a victorious life. Send peace multiplied for my trouble mind. God I don’t have the power to alter my past but please don’t let me live in regrets. Replace this condemnation with the spirit of rejoicing for we are to count it pure joy when we fall in diverse temptation. I have done wronged and I have learned the hard way but You are still able to turn it around for good. I trust You! My heart shall not fail, even in this I shall be confident. Abraham God, David God, Paul and Silas God; He is my God and there is nothing impossible with Him. This too shall pass. I shall overcome. Amen.

This was a mouthful! I trust that you have learned a thing or two from all the slayers who have been so kind to share their stories. I pray that you will champion the giants in your life and become the best version of yourself. If you are reading and you feel inadequate to fight alone please feel free to contact me @ lisaneeburke@gmail.com. Together we are better! May God’s richest blessings overtake you. You are forever loved! Shalom